Saturday Night - PART-AYYY! ... -_-;

It's is late, Saturday night. I had a busy and I was rather productive today but I am for some reason not able to sleep. Read for a while but that didn't help so now here I am- in front of the computer where I will never realize my fatigue until I am ready to zonk out right in this very chair.

My quest to regain my critical thinking continues in my reading.. but not really. I am reading Bret Easton Ellis's ' Less Then Zer0' which is not surprisingly very similar to ' Rules Of Attraction', and 'American Psycho'. Characters who are detached, drug addicted, numbly depressed and superficial. The book contains the routine designer name dropping, and fast paced misery as 'American Psycho' only without the murders. I set a goal June 1st to read all of Bret Ellis's works this summer. I am now questioning why I would want to. They are all the same!

I've decided to take a much needed break from the cocaine club scene of Bret Ellis and I have begun reading the interesting anthology of short stories that is 'Zoetrope'. I am only three stories in but already I can say they are truly interesting and keeping my attention fully. Something a book hasn't done fully for quite some time. God knows 'Life of Pi' didn't.

Zoe's light hearted approach to the future is welcomed after the line up of dystopia novels I have been reading this year; '1989', 'Brave New World', 'A Handmaidens Tale', ' The Blind Assassin', and most recently ' Oryx and Crake'. Yes, that's right, I have had quite the line up of Margret Atwood 's works ( I also read 'Robbers Bride'). Some very good, others not so much. 'A Handmaidens Tale' I was impressed with, 'Robbers Bride' not at all, 'Blind Assassin' mediocre, 'Oryx and Crake' creative, and awesome.

I suppose if I wish to expand my mind for university English "Introduction to Literature' I should be reading something a lot more challenging to prepare. Books on my list such as ' As I Lay Dying', 'Notes From The Underground', ' The Great Gatsby' ( which in truth is only on there because Holden from Catcher in the Rye enjoyed it), ' A portrait of an Artist as a Young Man' ( which is on the list because Astrid from 'White Oleander' had it recommended to her). Or perhaps something still more difficult such as 'Tess of the d'Urbervilles' .. though I'm Told "Jude The Obscure' is very boring.

Yes I am being pretentious. I will not deny it. With the correct context I think Iam probably a pretentious person. I would like to read these books to say I have read them and analyze them with others. I will read them one of these days but at the moment - what with work and the stress of life and everything- I have no desire to.

Enough rambling for tonight. It's getting into the wee hours and I need to be able to function tomorrow.

Parlez vous Francais? Merde non!!!

As my intellect deteriorates from odd sleeping schedules and lack of forced writing, I make a last ditch effort to salvage what ever knowledge I am yet to lose. Funny how utterly idiotic an educated girl can get when not participating in a structured school curriculum for a short amount of time.

I am trying to engage my brain by using BBC 's language site to improve my minimal French. 'Ma France' is a site which has a map of different themed videos one watches and answers quiz's on at the end of each. After surpassing the units; " Directions , Languages, Shopping, Work, and Arrangements" I am currently on the unit "Kids and Pets" which may never be of any use to me but who knows.

It's a good site but I'm not sure any of the vocabulary is sticking in my head. Which worries me because I have my mind set on taking university French when I was barely able to finish grade 11 French. Only passing with a 60% which took excruciating effort even with an easy teacher and a helpful friend/tutor who was the only reason I got through the oral exam. Ridiculous, the standards I set for myself. Reminiscent of forcing myself to take grade 11 math when I could have been excused under my own false pretext that " I could do it if only I would work harder". That year I worked harder and only passed on the mark with a 50%- again with excruciating effort, feeling like the class dunce. I should have taken general in grade 11 and 12 but I had my head in the clouds and pride that wouldn't be broken. Sometimes I can barely believe how foolish I really can be, but I suppose it's good for my over all being. Keeps my modesty in tact and at my top game.

The Miserys of Full Time Work.

This summer is my first encounter with full time work and I must say it is not a lot of fun. It is however teaching me many useful tidbits.

The first thing I am learning is full time work is extremely exhausting. I'm getting 45 hours of labor intensive work a week and I leave smelly , sore, angry , and tired.

I'm learning that I do not want to spend the rest of my life doing a job like this for 7.80$ an hour. I need to work hard on my education so I can get a fair wage while staying alive.

I'm learning that my boss cares more about saving a buck then the well being of her staff.

And most of all I'm learning about the social dynamics of a work setting. Disgruntled workers, shifty situations , gossiping boss and employees, long shifts, hot temperatures, and short staffed most people seem to be ready to walk out. I can most definitely see how a strike begins now.

I come home weary and the next day I feel sick from exhaustion. Barely able to walk on my burning feet, light headed and achy with a million things that I mean to do but never get around to. The summer goes by so fast I hardly experience it what so ever. It'll be gone before I know it and I will be slugging through the snow and writing university book reports.

I suppose that's life. I'm doing my best and trying to learn from the experience. I'm keeping my fun summer ambitions in mind and staying optimistic about completing them.