Feeling Inhibitited.

Tonight was a night of great creative incline, and sudden suffercation of that creative flame by the reality of my surrondings. Tonight was a night of longing for solitude and freedom of expression in a home without an excess of possessions, material worship or waste. Without people whom misunderstand and judge me, and who do not seek to smoothdf my creative spark.

Tonight was a night during which I wished that I lived alone in a broken down flat in the city with minimalist themes, and true freedom..my art and an escape from wealth and the superficiality.

I want to live with free spirts..
I want to be a free spirt.

People who don't give a fuck.

Conversation I just had with my asshole roommate about a program I advocate for and help run on my university campus, which brings a refugee to Canada, gives them permenant recidency , and provides finacially so they can study free of charge for the first year of their studies. Basically takes them out of the dead end, violent situation they are in and gives them a new start. Changes their LIVES.

Roommate: "Yeah I basically think the program is retarded.."
Me: *blank face* "..."
Roommate: " no offense.."
Me: "why would you think that?!"
Roommate: " Well jeeze no one helps me with my education" <.

Me: (in less detail and with as much calm as I could muster)
"Do you realize that these people are refugees, in the poorest parts of the world, who have just escaped with their lives from asylum counties where they were at risk of DEATH or TORTURE, where they probably witnessed countless autrocities, and then relocated to hell hole camps in which there are no oppurtunties, and scarce food, and water ? A place where they swelter in 40 C degree heat every day in food lines where they patiently wait for food to be handed out, in lines where many of them collapse from disease, starvation, or heat stroke?!?!?! These people are dying every day and if they don't die they are still living in this hopeless situation for YEARS, maybe their whole lives and you think it's futile and "retarded" that people in Canada are tryinig to help them out!?!?"
Roommate: "Well whatever, you're only saving one person"
Me: "One person is better then none! We work our asses off every year to bring that ONE person to safety, so they can study in a free, secure place to share our oppurtunities. If we could bring more we would. That's not something you can belittle"
Roommate: "Yeah well I don't really know what to think about it all. I still think it sounds dumb"
*Goes in the shower*

Me: ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, ready to flip off the handle or die of shock that one person can be so stupid, and self centered.

This is a girl who is a shop-a-holic, wastes food like no bodies business, hates foriegners with accents, and can't be bothered to hold a job for more then a week this school year.

...oh I am so.. angry, I'm ashamed to live with a girl like her.
*sigh*

I want to BE like this girl

Random request for a roommate I found online. Her description encompasses every trait I wish I had. Thought that was kind of interesting and seeing how she'll prob never stumble across this I thought I'd post the blurb just for my own reference.


"Hey! i'm a montreal kid, and i'm moving to -----! I'm lookin for some like minded kids to live with, maybe some people who'd rather hit the guitar (or the slide whistle, or the accordeon) than the t.v.

who might share my insatiable love affair with bikes, who like making food that doesn't have meat in it, who don't smoke cigarettes in the house, who might like my cat... (certified as the awesomest cat ever born)
who like to play outside and put art all over the place

i have lots to contribute to your household! i'll make bread! i'll let you play my guitar/accordeon/drumset! (oh yeah, i have a drumset) (err, and a trumpet)
my cat will amuse you and if you're lucky keep you warm at night!
i'll cook awesome stirfries and lasagnas and lentil burgers from scratch!
i'll teach you how to silkscreen, knit, crochet, sew, fix bikes, grow plants, dumpster dive, stencil, and squirt cream into your coffee in such a way that it looks like a latte, when in fact it is only normal coffee with cream!
(how could you possibly pass that one up?)

i'm good at unplugging drains and caulking bathtubs.
you'll be able to practise your french or spanish with me. (if either of those are your first language, all the better...)"



Everything in red are things I wish I could do. I feel like such a boring person. Half-assed and not living up to the person who I've always wanted to be but haven't had the time/energy/bravery(?) to be. I still have time.. instead of living with my KD eating, shop-a-holic, comformist roomates who dress me up like a doll and send me out to the clubs perhaps I should of found a shitty place downtown where I could paint the walls and smoke joints out my window with this girl. Oh well. Maybe artists next year.. her trumpet sounded annoying anyway!